Rules for Being a Marine's Daughter, Part I

In reference to the blog entitled “Rules for Dating a Marine’s Daughter” found at http://sgtredline.blogspot.com/2007/08/rules-for-dating-marines-daughter.html, here are my thoughts in respect to being that Marine's daughter:

Dad,
Don't forget that you are the person who taught me how to put a man in a fetal position with his eyes simultaneously bulging out of socket while rivers of tears stream down his face. This maneuver is called “swiftly kick him in the balls, honey”

You also taught my brother “the stare”. Yes, there is such a look that can come from my older brother that will not only terrify this prospective date, but will leave him having nightmares of the like that will require many thousands of dollars of therapy over the next twenty or so years.

You are the one, my dear father, who requires me to always carry that backpack full of duct tape, mace spray, and that wonderful little M1911A1 that you so carefully taught me to fire, accepting only expert scoring.

Don’t forget about career day at school Mr. TheGreatSantini, when you showed up in uniform and required all students to speak only when spoken to, sit correctly at their desks, and smile when ordered to…all in your best screaming- spitting-in-your-face-butting-your-hat-on-the forehead-Drill-Instructor voice (by the way, where did you get the Smokey bear cover?).

In all honesty, Dear Old Dad, I really appreciate your careful scrutiny of all those I wish to become involved with. And you were right when you explained to me (at 18) that no one will ever intimidate me again (boy, my drill instructors really appreciated that when it was my turn to vacation in Parris Island). But really, can you please stop bragging to my potential suitors that I can kill them 101 ways with a skilcraft U.S. Government issued ballpoint pen?

NASA to begin drug testing astronauts

Refer to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20495534/ for the full story. As usual, my creepy little brain is finding humor in something like this. Hmmm....who else gets drug tested for their job?

Truck drivers...drive big trucks I can see the sense in that

Athletes...okay, still makes sense...keeps the competition honest

Production Assembly workers....big machines, makes sense

Politicians....some of them need large quantities of drugs, on the other hand, they make decisions while representing me....ok, makes sense

Astronauts...drive big giant rockets that cost our country gazillions of dollars. Can astronauts get DUIIS (Driving under the influence in Space)? If so, what happens? Are their licenses revoked for 12 months? Do they have to perform community service?

"During a Washington news conference focusing on O’Connor’s report, NASA Administrator Mike Griffin said that the agency was legally required to conduct drug and alcohol testing — and that he recently discovered no testing policy had yet been drawn up. He promised that drug and alcohol testing would be implemented."

I have one question. Why do some organizations drug test employees that will only be handling a glass full of soda, AND NASA HAS NEVER DRUG TESTED ASTRONAUTS?

Nuff Said

Nuff said. Bye-Bye Mr. Gonzalez.

Birthday List

Today is my birthday. At least a minimum of six people have asked me what I would like for my birthday. I have a minor issue with this because I think it is awkward to ask a 43 year old what they want for their birthday (unless you are Mom, of course), so I decided to publish the list. Here goes:

Want for my birthday? I dunno. Better pay, the truck sold, a very cool roommate, about $150K perhaps another Chihuahua for Coco. Add to that world peace, happiness, and love. A new Administration, some new shoes, a new laptop, my yard cut, my car detailed, better golf skills, new glasses, hmmmm...

Did I mention world peace? How about curing world hunger, discrimination, ethnic cleansing, and that damned policy the U.S has that allows any Cuban in the country but doesn't take care of the Haitians. In addition to these small requests, I would like a life-time supply of Diet Coke, Starbucks Mocha Light Frappucinos, popcorn, Birkenstocks, Dr. Martens, and Sebago topsiders. How about a million dollar gift certificate to Old Navy. Aw, Hell. For that matter, how about a million dollar gift certificate to all clothing stores within a 100 mile radius. Hmmmm, I'd really like another Mini Cooper (in addition to the one I have with some small changes like a convertible top and other goodies), Tickets to see Antigone Rising, Brandi Carlyle, and Amos Lee. The new Melissa Etheridge album that comes out next month with tickets to see her in concert when she goes on tour.

So, I'm sure that I will continue adding to this little list, but in the meantime, all of you who really care (yeah, I'm talking to you, Mom), you can start with the Diet Coke.

Un-Sensitizing the de-sensitized

I was perusing through the daily news today and I couldn’t help but read the article(s) on the not-so-esteemed-Soon-To-Be-Former-Senator Larry Craig. I was reminded of a thought I had years ago when it felt like when a public person is caught in the act of “lewd” behavior, it just seems to be one from the conservative, right-wing end of the stick. I guess it wouldn’t be news if Michael Moore was caught attempting to perform a lewd act in public, now would it!

I have always found this rather amusing because these are the people who are the extremists amongst us. I mean, some of my best friends are conservatives. However, I believe I can safely say that they are also moderates. Which reminds me of the old “everything should be done in moderation” train of thought? In other words, in addition to surrounding myself with a bunch of people who are smarter than I am, I also like a very diverse crowd. But the people I surround myself with are also thinkers and doers. They all realize that nothing is absolute and there is quite a bit of grey area in just about everything…

So, back to the not-so-esteemed-Soon-To-Be-Former-Senator Larry Craig and the extreme right-wing conservatives. Are they really? I mean, how right-wing can a person really be if he/she is attempting to perform lewd acts in public, taking drugs, drinking and driving, etc, etc. Especially if he/she is a public persona, a representative of a conservative party, or even a person of the cloth. So when you get right down to it, many conservatives are not really conservatives. Or maybe they are conservatives only when it is convenient for them. Hmmm, sort of like those ultra-religious zealots who choose to quote scripture to me in an effort to show me what a devious lifestyle I live. They seem to forget about the rest of the scripture that their life doesn’t agree with (i.e., THE ENTIRE OLD TESTAMENT!).

These are the same people that complain about television shows with gay characters, and how that evil box has de-sensitized our society. I think they are right. I think that they have de-sensitized themselves so much by watching these horrendous shows (instead of changing the channel) that when one of them is caught in the act of cruising a frigging airport bathroom , he by all means has the right to change his story (after pleading guilty to a lesser charge), and claim the he is NOT gay. Yeah, right.

I think you just lost major points from your conservative card, Mr. not-so-esteemed-Soon-To-Be-Former-Senator Larry Craig. Just don't think that when you lose this fight, and you will, you will be greatfully accepted into my world.

Public Restroom Etiquette

Ok, so let’s begin by defining a public restroom. To me, a public restroom is any facility not in a home. This can encompass quite a large demographic, so for the purposes of making my point, I’ll narrow this definition by specifying only those restrooms in offices. You know which ones I’m talking about… they usually have between tree and eight stalls, a few sinks, and usually a full length mirror. Now that I have clearly defined exactly what type of restrooms I’m talking about…let’s proceed.

I want to address those women who have no idea about personal boundaries. For example… when I am using a public bathroom, I tend to go to one of the end stalls so that I can have just a little privacy. Ladies…what is the deal with having to come into the very next stall, regardless of the fact that there are an additional 6 stalls you could have chosen. Why do some women feel it necessary to have the close-warm-fuzzy violation of my personal space IN A PUBLIC RESTROOM? And then to top it off….SHUT UP! I did not come in here to converse with you. In addition, you are assuming that I even know who you are. Personally, I don’t go around looking at women’s shoes all day just so that I can identify you when you are compelled to sit right next to me in the restroom.

Then there is the “make-up and hair girls”. Here is a hint: If you walk into the office restroom and notice that there is a closed stall door but no noise, PLEASE have the decency to do what you need to do quickly and silently and then LEAVE. You know who you are, Ladies. Did it ever occur to you that that one woman, who is silently praying for you to leave so she can proceed, is attempting to feel a little better and needs some privacy? It should not take you ten minutes to play with your hair and make-up while there is a poor woman in a stall holding it in and waiting for you to leave.

So, after having this conversation with my ever-so-eloquent brother (Who enlightened me with the Men’s restroom rule: The Courtesy Flush), I decided to just vent it out for a moment and remind people that the restroom is not a place for socializing. Nor is it a place to invade personal space. Get in, get done, and get out. Silently. Please.